The Last 5 Years
by Jenwyn
Summary: The highs and lows of a five year relationship between a rising Broadway star and a struggling basketball player. JRB's musical retold Chyan style. Chad/Ryan slash.
1. End of the Line

**L5Y 1: End of the Line**

**Rating:** PG-13 overall  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine.  
**Warnings:** language  
**Notes:** Other than RENT and Wicked (and HSM2), The Last 5 Years is my favorite favorite favorite musical. It's quirky and gorgeous and heartbreaking, and it wasn't until after I begged to rewrite it Chyan style that I realized how perfect it was for them. Which I could go on about, but how about I just let you read chapter one?

**More Notes:** The only thing you need to know is that L5Y doesn't go in chronological order. It's a story told entirely through song and sung by only two characters. She starts at the end and tells the story backwards. He starts at the beginning and tells it forwards. They alternate and meet in the middle to sing together only once. In this case, Chad is starting at the end and going backwards, and Ryan is going forwards. I'll leave you dates so you can place it in time, and I promise it's not as confusing as it sounds.

* * *

_April 2016_

The sun had disappeared hours before Chad returned home and lugged his massive suitcase through the apartment building. He collapsed against the side of the elevator as soon as the doors closed behind him and thought of the nice warm bed upstairs that was actually his and actually comfortable. If he'd even get to fall onto it and sleep forever was a different question.

His stomach tightened as he watched the numbers increase one by one. He just wanted to be in his own bed. That was all he'd ask for right now.

When he stepped off onto his floor, he saw a stack of cardboard boxes at the end of the hall piled in front of one of the doors. He stopped without pulling his suitcase through the elevator doors and let them try to close on it.

In a slow, dragging pace, he walked forward, his heart and breath coming faster with every move. The closer he was, the more it looked like those boxes came from his apartment.

He stopped again when he could see that they actually were outside his door.

The nausea that came with panic and worry and impending heartache overcame him for a moment. Should he even be here? Could he watch those boxes be filled?

He brought a hand to his face and couldn't take anything but shaky breaths. Why now? Why at all?

He dug in his pocket with a trembling hand and shoved his key into the lock. The door opened carefully and he peered inside. There were more boxes inside. Little ones spewing bubble wrap and bigger ones all closed up and labeled. He let his luggage fall to the floor. The sound of the crash was a loud echo in his head.

Chad stood at the door because it was the only thing he could do. Though he was more than a little tempted to rip open all the boxes and put everything back where it belonged.

They didn't have to give up. They could sort everything out. There had to be a chance. How could Ryan not see that? How could he think that this was the solution?

The sickening stab of jealousy drove deep through Chad's chest. Suddenly, he was cold and furious and picturing all the reasons why Ryan would leave. They all came attached to sculpted muscles and floppy hair and a parasitic director who would lavish all the attention in the world on him. Chad pressed his fingers into his temples and tried to imagine anything else.

Out of a lack of something better, he grasped the doorknob and slammed the door so hard the wall shook.

Ryan scurried into the room with wide eyes. He had a few CDs in his hand and a sweater dangling from the crook of his arm. As soon as he saw Chad, he fiddled with his belongings like he didn't know what to do with them anymore, like he didn't know what to say either. He stared at Chad with familiar concern, and Chad wished like hell that Ryan would just stop that.

Ryan tipped his head and sighed, then looked at the sofa and tossed his CDs onto it. The sweater he draped over the back and rubbed nervously before meeting Chad's eyes.

"I didn't think you'd be home yet."

Chad laughed once, quick and bitter, and then he laughed again and again until he couldn't stop because if he did, he'd be sobbing.

"Fuck you, Evans," he seethed once he caught his breath.

Ryan's face crinkled unhappily. "Look, can we talk before you get pissed at me?"

"What's left to talk about?"

"A lot. I can explain." Ryan's voice was small and soft, like he knew what it did to Chad when he seemed so lost and vulnerable.

Chad looked away and leaned against the wall, his head thumping on it a little loud. "I don't want you to explain." He swallowed hard and added softly, "I want you to stay."


	2. I Could Be in Love

_May 2011_

Ryan studied himself in the full-length mirror outside the Lava Springs dining room, wondering when he would look something other than twelve years old. At least he didn't feel so young anymore, but he would happily do away with responsibilities. Or worse – obligations.

Next to him, his mother tugged and smoothed her flowered charmeuse dress until it was perfectly draped on her lithe frame. "There's someone I want you to meet."

Ryan stopped and turned to look, hoping he hadn't heard correctly. "Mom. What?"

She smoothed the line of her lipstick with her pinky and scrunched the soft curled ends of her hair. "I want you to meet someone."

He stared at her and couldn't keep anything but displeasure in his voice. "Really."

"Oh, don't be that way. He's very nice. His mother, Annie… do you remember Annie? She organizes the fundraiser for children's art and music every year. She told me he just came out and absolutely idolizes you."

He rolled his eyes. "Mom? I don't need to have a date."

"Sweetheart, I know you don't. But he really wants to meet you. I've heard he spent months asking when you'd be home."

He stayed quiet until she turned toward him and then tried to give her his most convincing pout.

She tilted her head with interest. "Are you seeing someone?"

Against his better judgment, he bit his lip and admitted, "No."

She smiled softly and reached out to straighten his collar. "You were always so sad when your sister got to bring dates to these functions and you didn't."

Ryan looked down and considered the shine on his shoes. "Well, when I was sixteen, there weren't many high school guys who wanted to be seen with me." He lifted his head and took one of her hands, threading his fingers through hers. "But I'm not sixteen anymore. And you've managed to find plenty of twenty-somethings who want to go out with me."

She grinned and tugged the brim of his hat. "Well, who wouldn't love you?"

An embarrassed smile crossed his face and he sighed again. "Okay. Fine. You can introduce me."

She took his arm and strode into the hall with her trademark glowing smile.

* * *

It wasn't that Eric was all that bad looking. He was clearly still suffering from straight boy fashion sense, but that was easily fixed. It wasn't even the way he blathered on to show how much he knew about finances. Though that was something Ryan could seriously live without hearing. In fact, Ryan couldn't pinpoint why he was trying to figure out how many drinks he'd have to sneak before Eric was interesting. But two flutes of champagne clearly weren't enough.

Eric was in the middle of explaining his inheritance when Daniel came up and demanded Ryan's attention. "Settle an argument for us," he commanded and motioned to Julie who had quickly appeared at his side.

Ryan glanced at both of them and stated, "Neither of you would win in a fight against Sharpay."

Daniel rolled his eyes and slung his arm over Ryan's shoulders to turn him around. "No," he said and pointed with his glass. "Lisa's handbag."

"Is… lime green?" Ryan supplied. Julie's eyebrows furrowed at him, and he revised, "Is an ugly shade of lime green?"

"No, designer or knock-off," she clarified.

Ryan studied closely from a distance. "Knock-off."

Julie stuck her purple polished finger in Daniel's face. "Ha!"

"Not possible," Daniel said, stepping backward. "You're both amateurs."

Ryan shrugged. "The stitching on that side is crooked."

Daniel looked again and then frowned. "Could've been a drunk designer."

Julie laughed and elbowed him. "You owe me a hundred bucks."

"Double or nothing. Pick another one. Ryan, you wanna play?"

Ryan shook his head. "Not really."

"How about best and worst dressed. You love that one."

Resisting a put-upon groan, Ryan made a wave with his hand. "Sure."

Daniel started with an obvious arm wave. "That color looks _horrid_."

Julie agreed, "I'd never wear something that ruffled."

Ryan watched bubbles swirl in his glass and wondered how much time was left before everyone would just go home.

Eric leaned in toward him and said with genuine awe, "You know everything about being gay, don't you?"

Awkwardly, Ryan laughed. "Um. Hardly. But thanks?" He started to back away but bumped into someone behind him. Before he could turn and apologize, there was a hand on his back and a thick whisper in his ear.

"You want to demonstrate all your gay expertise? I'd be a good test subject."

Ryan spun around and broke into the brightest grin he'd had in years. "Hey!" he gushed and threw his arms around Chad, nearly spilling his champagne and clinging like he'd just found a life preserver. "What are you doing here?" Ryan pulled away but kept his free hand on Chad's bicep. It just happened to be a really nice bicep. That was all.

"Working," Chad answered and gestured to his waiter attire.

"Still? I mean, I didn't know you kept this job."

Chad shrugged. "I'm on their staff list so whenever there's a big event, they usually call me and see if I'll help. Good money, you know? Have to pay those bills."

Ryan nodded and found himself toying with Chad's sleeve. He withdrew his hand when he noticed.

Chad simply grinned at him. "You're cute when you're being all… knowledgeable."

Ryan blushed fiercely. "Um. So… how have you been?"

"Good. Busy. School and homework and training like crazy."

"For… basketball? You still play?"

"Always! You still dance?"

A quirky smile spread across Ryan's face. "Could never stop."

Chad leaned in closer and Ryan was sure he felt Chad's hand graze his hip. "How is it being one of Julliard's most talented?"

Accidentally on purpose, Ryan brushed the back of his hand against Chad's. "I'm hardly the most talented. There are a lot of amazing people there."

"You're totally one of them and you know it."

Ryan laughed. "I suppose if I can get you to dance, that does take talent."

"Exactly. No one else in the world has that much."

Shaking his head, Ryan tried not to grin so hard. "No wonder everyone was in love with you in high school."

Chad let out a bright laugh that crinkled his gorgeous eyes. "Come on. Everyone loved Troy."

"No, everyone wanted to have sex with Troy. They were in love with you."

"You mean I could've scored with anyone I wanted?"

"As long as you stayed for breakfast."

"Damn. So many missed opportunities," Chad said. His eyes lingered on Ryan in a way that made Ryan's heart skip. "I'll come back in a bit, okay?" Chad said, gesturing toward the kitchen. "Fulton will have my ass in a very un-fun way if everything doesn't go smoothly."

"Okay," Ryan agreed and watched Chad walk away, eyes staying on him until he disappeared through the kitchen doors. When Ryan turned, he found three pairs of eyes on him. He blinked back at them. "What?"

"Fraternizing with the help?" Julie giggled.

"We went to school together."

"Is he your boyfriend?" Eric asked.

Ryan opened his mouth to answer, but suddenly started picturing Chad and various boyfriend-type scenarios. "Um. No," he said as soon as he regained focus. "We're just friends."

"He's _definitely_ your type though," Daniel said with obvious innuendo.

"I have a type?"

"Oh, yeah. Charming, athletic…"

"Achingly pretty," Julie added.

"You tend to like them poor and exotic, too," Daniel finished.

Ryan frowned. "Exotic?"

"Yeah."

"He's… from here."

Julie laughed. "No, Dan's saying you have a fetish. No big deal."

"You have a fetish?" Eric said a little louder than was really necessary. "So, what, you only date black guys?"

Ryan stared at the three of them with furrowed eyebrows. The only thing that came to mind was that he was now one hundred percent sure he didn't want to date Eric. "…No?"

Julie tossed her hair as she turned to Daniel. "Isn't Sharpay dating some black guy, too?"

"Yeah, he also used to work here," Daniel answered and gave Ryan a smirk. "You and your sister must have the same taste in men."

Ryan bit his tongue for a minute, then downed his glass, and handed it to Daniel. "You know what? Maybe we do." He turned on his heel and flounced off.

On his way past the kitchen, Chad rushed out and caught his arm.

"Hey! I was totally coming back," he said, bubbling with friendliness. "I was gonna go out there with this big story about a disaster and how we needed you in the kitchen immediately."

Ryan let out a sigh and said the only thing he could think of, "What would I do in the kitchen?"

Chad shrugged. "I don't know. But you didn't seem like you were having that great a time."

"They're just…"

"Rich people?"

"No, they're shallow and judgmental and self-involved and materialistic…"

"So, rich people."

Ryan sighed again. "I guess so." He met Chad's eyes and got lost in the way they were overflowing with warmth. "It was really good to see you," he said, voice a soft caress of affection.

Chad nudged Ryan's arm with his fist. "Good to see you, too."

Ryan rubbed a hand over the back of his neck and pressed his lower lip between his teeth. "You wouldn't want to have dinner with me sometime, would you? We could catch up. Hang out."

Chad gazed at him for a moment like he was holding back a smirk, and when the smirk appeared, it was decisively smug and devious. "Answer a question for me, and I totally will."

Ryan's forehead wrinkled and he curiously tipped his head. "What do you want to know?"

Chad leaned forward, speaking low and warm near Ryan's face. "When we were in high school, were you one of the people in love with me?"

Ryan's heart stopped before he quickly scoffed and looked anywhere but at Chad. "I… that was… it was high school."

"Exactly," Chad said, voice calm and smooth. "No big deal. Just asking."

Ryan eyed him for a moment before relenting. "I _might've_ had a crush."

Beaming, Chad practically jumped up and down. "Just a crush?"

"You gonna have dinner with me?"

"Every night for at least a week."

Ryan laughed and couldn't remember ever feeling so giddy. "Yeah, I was kind of. Totally. Head over heels."

The grin that washed over Chad's whole face made Ryan's heart flutter. Chad stroked Ryan's arm, then slid his hand to the small of Ryan's back and pulled him forward. Ryan didn't breathe, didn't move. Couldn't move.

Chad's hand cupped side of Ryan's face, fingers curling gently into the back of his neck. Full, soft lips molded against Ryan's, and Ryan clenched a whole fist in the back of Chad's starched, waiter shirt. He couldn't even pretend he hadn't spent years wishing for this.

Chad's breath floated over Ryan's mouth as he whispered, "Ditto."

Breathlessly, Ryan laughed and shook his head because he felt ridiculous and light-headed and overjoyed all at once.

Chad grinned and readjusted the silk tie around Ryan's neck. "I get off at ten. I'll give you a call then?"

Ryan forced himself to blink a few times, head still swimming. "Okay. You better."

With one finger, Chad stroked Ryan's jaw and under his chin. "I will. In fact, I'm contemplating how to sneak off early right now."

Grinning, Ryan reluctantly stepped backward. "I'll wait. I've been waiting."

Chad waggled his eyebrows and smirked before turning back into the kitchen. Ryan took a deep breath and let it out slowly, wondering how many weeks he was going to feel dizzy.


	3. We're Doing Fine

_February 2016_

The splash of a running shower had never sounded so good, especially when it was before six in the morning. But Chad drifted out of thick sleep, listening to the rush of water, and felt better than he had in a long time. The clothes on the floor that weren't his, the empty bottle of iced tea on the nightstand, the warmth still held in the spot beside him were more than worth it.

He kept his eyes closed, but listened intently as the water was shut off and towels and clothing were rustled. When the door creaked as it was slowly opened, Chad looked toward it and waited.

"Sorry," Ryan said in a hushed voice. "I was trying not to wake you."

Chad rubbed a hand over his face and shook his head, then motioned for Ryan to come to him. When Ryan moved close enough, Chad took his hand and pulled, urging him back into bed. Ryan sat down carefully, but Chad scooted backward and tugged again. Ryan reclined until he was stretched out on top of the comforter.

Chad slung an arm around him, pillowing his head on Ryan's shoulder. When he breathed in, he could smell his own shampoo in Ryan's hair. "I love that you're here. When was the last time you were home?"

"I'm home all the time."

"I mean Albuquerque."

It was a moment before Ryan answered, "Don't remember."

Chad nuzzled the sleeve of Ryan's soft v-neck t-shirt. "That means you've been away too long."

"You're the one who left."

Lifting his head, Chad gave him a pointed look. "I didn't leave."

"I'm still living in our apartment. Alone, I might add."

"Yeah, okay, I know," he said, more heatedly than he meant. "All I'm saying is you should visit more." He bent his head and settled back down, turning his face into Ryan's chest. He felt Ryan sigh and lightly rest a hand on Chad's forearm.

"I miss you," Ryan said in a whisper. "I hate missing you. That's all."

Chad hugged with his one arm. "I know."

"When was this?" Ryan held up a picture of himself in front of an orange and purple sky, face turned mostly profile and a soft, dreamy smile touching his lips.

Chad looked even though he didn't need to. "It was that first summer. I think it was after that party when we stayed up the whole night talking and, um… catching up. You were watching the sunrise."

Ryan stared at the small photo before setting it back on the nightstand. "That was a long time ago."

"Like five years. Not that long."

"Feels like it," he said softly, still staring at the picture even though he'd put it down. "That was a good night."

"Yeah?"

Ryan nodded. "I felt dizzy the first time you kissed me. I felt dizzy every time you kissed me actually."

Propping himself on his elbow, Chad gazed down and wove his fingers through wet blond hair, rubbing them just behind Ryan's temple. Blue eyes fluttered, and Chad spoke in a low, delicate whisper. "How long had you wanted that?"

He watched Ryan's abdomen rise and fall with a deep sigh. "Forever," he said and turned his eyes toward Chad. "Do you still love me?"

Chad stilled. "Do you think I don't?"

"No." Ryan shook his head for emphasis. "I just… was just asking." He looked away, attempting to hide how much hurt was showing in his eyes. It made Chad's lungs ache every time he had to breathe.

Leaning forward, he grazed his knuckles over Ryan's cheek. "Hey. Things are bad for everyone sometimes. Doesn't mean we give up. We just have to work harder."

A small laugh escaped Ryan. "I've never known you to be so optimistic."

"Sometimes optimism and pragmatism coincide."

Ryan's sardonic laugh grew. "When does that ever happen?"

"Well, you're here," Chad said simply. "There are always things that can be better. There'd be no point if everything were perfect."

Immersed in thought, Ryan ran a finger back and forth over Chad's wrist then down over his hand. Chad lifted it and let him tangle their fingers together. "So, you think we're good?"

"I think we're okay. We made it through last night. And this morning."

"I got here at seven. And then we didn't really… I mean, we've never had problems when it comes to screwing each other. In any sense of the word."

Chad let go and lifted himself into a sitting position. "So, what does that mean? Are you giving up?"

"No, I just…" Ryan pushed himself up as well and reached for Chad's hand with both of his, entwining their fingers back together. "I don't know," he said and squeezed tightly, gazing with eyes that looked bluer than usual, the way they do when he's been crying.

Ryan inched himself a little nearer and opened his arms, taking Chad's hand with his. Chad let go only so he could hold Ryan close to him. Ryan buried his face in Chad's bare shoulder, and Chad wished everything else would just disappear.

"I love you," Ryan said in a tiny voice, moving his hands in gentle circles near Chad's shoulder blades.

Chad turned his head and placed a long kiss on Ryan's cheek. "When was the last time you went to a basketball game?"

"Um. Senior year of high school?"

"Really?"

"Yeah. Oh, no, wait. The one date we went on. Where we saw the Knicks. That was fun."

Chad smiled, feeling like ice was thawing. "Yeah. Today should be fun. Even if I'm not sitting with you. It'll be like high school."

"Fuck." Ryan laughed a little and lifted himself so he could shake his head. "Nothing should ever be like high school ever again."

Chad's grin widened. "I love when you swear."

"Rare occasion."

"Not recently." He pulled Ryan in for a kiss. It didn't last nearly as long as he wanted – Ryan turned away after only a few seconds, but he left his hand on Chad's naked chest and Chad reveled in the affectionate touch.

Ryan avoided his eyes and fidgeted as he glanced at the clock. "I, um… I should get going," he said, sliding out of bed. "There are a couple new projects, and I'm supposed to be at the meetings and maybe lead the workshops."

Chad gathered the bed sheet and wrapped it around his lower half. "But. You'll be back for tonight, right?"

As he knelt beside his blue suitcase, Ryan glanced up and didn't answer.

"Fuck, Ryan. Why the hell did you come out here then?"

"I wanted to see you," he said meekly. "I miss you."

"Yeah, you say that all the time, but what do you do about it?"

"I'm here, aren't I?"

"But you're leaving."

"What do you want me to do? I have to go to these things."

Chad rolled his eyes and scoffed, leaning back against the wall where a headboard would've been if he'd had one. "Nothing. Whatever. Just go."

Ryan bent his head and picked up the green sweater he'd worn the night before, folding it more times than he needed to before stuffing it in his bag. "I'd stay if I could. You know that."

"No, I don't know that. You jump at the chance to do whatever rehearsal and extra project that comes up."

For that, Ryan looked up at him. "This is my job."

"Yeah, that's great," Chad said not even attempting to mask the cynicism. "Except nothing is worth your time unless it's your career and your friends and your shows."

"That's not true."

"You only want me on your terms. You want everything your way and everyone devoted to fawning over you and telling you you're some prodigy and God's gift to theater and how they'd just die to be with you. Like you're the first upper class, gay, white guy to be nominated for a Tony. God forbid you come to my game and actually do something for someone who isn't you."

It took him a second, but then Ryan snapped, "Well, you don't tell anyone about me because you're scared it will hurt your chances to make it to the NBA."

"Plenty of people know about you," Chad said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "They just ignore it. Not everyone can be gay where it's acceptable."

Ryan dropped his suitcase and leapt to his feet. "Am I supposed to apologize for that, too? I'm sorry it's expected for a gay man to like theater. I'm sorry my family has money. I'm sorry I'm white. I'm sorry I've always had it easier. I'm sorry I can be out to my coworkers and no one treats me like I'm diseased."

"I'm not asking you to apologize! God!" Holding the sheet in place, Chad sat forward. "I want you to be there. I want you to act like I fucking mean something to you."

"You think I don't want to be with you? You think I want to live alone for half of the year because it's basketball season? I hate being away from you. It kills me every time you leave New York," Ryan said, obviously fighting to keep his voice from breaking. "But I let you go because I know you want this. That's me supporting you."

"Then how many guys have you been stringing along this week?" Chad tilted his head, consciously picturing creatures that spit poisonous venom. "Or have you finally given in and fucked all those sycophants who follow you around?"

"Are you accusing me? Because I know plenty of people hit on you."

Shaking his head, Chad let out a disdainful sigh. "You don't even get it. You're so caught up in your shows and your dancers that you don't even realize. You have no idea how much I actually love you. I don't want to be with anyone else. That's why I married you."

"That's why I married you. I want to be with _you_."

"Yeah, but for how long? How long until you're so starved for attention that you start fucking any guy who smiles at you?"

Ryan's eyes narrowed, turning cold steel gray. "Fuck you. You're the one who wanted to do this. You're the one who left."

"You wouldn't have time for me even if I were in New York. You don't acknowledge me unless you're going out and need another accessory."

Clearly spurred into action, Ryan gathered the rest of his clothes from the floor and carelessly shoved them into his suitcase. "Don't blame me because they don't think you're good enough for anything beyond D-league."

"That's it, isn't it? You're pissed because you think this is a waste of time. I could be back in New York, catering to your every whim, and I'm not and that's what's killing you."

Ryan stopped, his fingers clenched and tight on his bag. "That's not… god, that's not what I want from you."

"What do you want?" Chad swallowed and felt his mouth completely dry.

"I want you to be happy. I don't want you to think so little of me," Ryan said in his most bare and earnest voice. "You're probably going to say I don't deserve any better."

"I'd never say that."

"You just think it." Ryan looked at his hands and twisted the handle of his suitcase. "I have a flight to catch."

"You're really leaving?"

Ryan's eyes focused on some distant spot beyond the carpet until he turned to look at his bag. He searched through one of the pockets with slow, mechanical movements and dug out a little box wrapped with a shimmery orange ribbon. He held it for a moment before setting it on the bed. "This was for your birthday. I'll take it back if you don't want it."

Chad bit his lip hard and squeezed his eyes shut, but it really didn't help. When he had to breathe, it came out as a sob.

"Are you crying?"

"Just fuck off. If you're gonna go, then fucking go." He turned away and buried himself in his blankets, covering his head with a pillow. He let the tears flow when he heard his apartment door close.


End file.
